Humility is more manful than stubbornness. Don’t speak from your ego.

Pay bills today if you have the money today.

Don’t skip dinner before drinking just to expedite your buzz.

Ordering a shot of Jagermeister is your brain’s way of telling you that you’ve been at the bar for an hour too long.

Don’t take LSD on three successive days, even if it’s really clean liquid and you’ve done it many times before.

Self-rising flour isn’t the same stuff as regular flour, and should not be substituted for such.

You probably COULD stop that desk fan using only your tongue, but why would you want to?

No one likes medium-rare pork.

Don’t follow the exterminator into the crawlspace if you are mildly claustrophobic and squicked out by cockroaches.

Cops don’t like it when you talk to them the way they’re talking to you.

Also, honesty is rarely the best policy.

I was roped into one of those jackass schemes where they put a fixed price on energy and claim it is lower than anywhere else. signed it at the beginning of the school year, promptly fell into a dark hole of teen angst, and let the 10 days expire without cancelling the contract.

Sigh.

2. Don’t drive through a large puddle of unknown depth, no matter how many cars go through in front of you. (Result: One stuck car that had to be towed out.)